Sharing the Gospel and extending the love of Christ with Revd. Mrs. Julien Gbakara on everyday issues.

Do well to follow the Woman Of God Bishop Julien Gbakara On Everyday Issues.

Erich Segal Immortalized the words “love means never having to say your ‘re sorry” but this saying is not realistic. Conflict is inevitable in all relationships, marriage inclusive; there are times we hurt or take our loved ones for granted and at such times, tendering apology does not signify weakness.

Shame or a low self – esteem; it is in fact a sign of strength, integrity and courage as it shows you are not afraid to show that you acknowledge your mistake. The important thing in saying you ‘re sorry is that you must be sincere; it is imperative that we not only say the words but that we actually feel and mean what we say.

It seem that many of us say sorry so often that it has become a routine or mechanical action yet the power in saying sorry is awesome. Saying sorry is powerful enough to mend and restore relationships soothe pains and heal broken hearts! While it might not undo a wrong, saying sorry can effectively undo any damage that the wrong might have caused.

WRONG WAYS TO SAY YOU ARE SORRY

DON’T Use the word “if” during the apology eg. I am sorry if you got hurt or I am sorry if you felt betrayed. This shows that you do not believe your actions should have elicited the response you got from the other party and pushes all responsibility for their hurt feelings back at them. Don’t take too long before apologizing.

While it is good to think about your apology, the time lapse should not be too long so as not to give the impression that your apology is insincere for example, saying you ‘re sorry after more than two days might mean nothing to the aggrieved person. Refer to old issues or past mistakes of the other person. Stayed focused on the issue at hand; leave the past in the past. Reminding the other person of what they did weeks, months or years ago shows that those issues were unresolved in your heart and were probably the foundation of the current disagreement. This might just upset and frustrate the person.

RIGHT WAYS TO SAY YOU ARE SORRY

Do Accept responsibility for your mistake. Don’t make excuses or shift the blame to the other person as this will not resolve issues. For example, say “I am sorry I lost my temper” and not “I am sorry but you made me angry” Say sorry only when you mean it. When you apologize just to end an argument or pacify the other person rarely resolves.

Issues because deep down, you still feel that you were right and the next time there is an argument you might just over-react due to your suppressed feelings. If your partner was wrong, give him/her time to cool down before bringing up the issue again, give the person time to explain his/her point, listen carefully and do your best to reach resolve the issue or reach a compromise. After saying sorry, give your spouse/friend opportunity to vent his/her feelings and only give an explanation for your action if he/she wants one Offer to make amends if possible.

Last changed: Jun 05 2015 at 7:14 AM

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